A Man's Shoes and His Bible

Joseph L Kennedy loved me with his heart, his head, and the best intentions of both.  Now that he no longer resides directly with me but has moved into the glorious presence of God, I spend a lot of time thinking of all that he was as a man and husband and father.  It's a pleasant journey of thought. 

Not that I would choose to give him earthly Sainthood, but rather, I claim the best of his heart and mind because I find it inspirational.  I see the missed opportunities to have known him even better than I did.  And I suppose I know him more intimately and thoroughly than anyone else.  Also, more clear in my mind now, are the times I held my tongue when I disagreed with him; the times he listened to me and followed my instincts because of their occasional overpowering strength.  "I KNOW that I know, Honey!"  The times when he made gentle demands that I just trust him and do what he was requesting....so many remembrances of how we related to each other.  

And since we married twice, I understand how immensely different each of our marriages was.  This took me by surprise because I was somewhat fearful that there might be opportunity for guilt about the years we spent apart.  But this isn't true....amazingly I cherish what we each did with those years so independent of one another.  [Not that I would ever encourage divorce as a way to 'find oneself']  

During those nine years, each of us developed strong ties with good people and found our way to deeper faith and practices of the Christian life.  I consider this to be something to cherish... just as the shoes we wore out on our paths alone and the keener understandings of God's word which caused us to underline, highlight, make notes, and generally wear badly the edges of the pages and the binding which is nearly off both of our Bibles.

Upon returning to one another, we had much to share and the newness and progress in faith and all of life just overepowered any desire to look back at what drove us apart.  Joe's first direction in our new life was that nothing before the date of our reconciliation was allowed to disturb our new home.  The past did not count and was not worth giving up our future for.  How right he was!  We rarely even thought about our past because the newness in each of us fascinated the other.  I was filled with wonder at this man who had been a believer for many yearsbut now his faith and his awareness of the words of our Savior were so easily on his tongue and in his heart and peppered his conversation with me.  When we prayed together there was an easiness that was new...a patience with the time we spent in prayer...a different way he spoke to the Father.  I was overtaken with joy...could it be that I could bring that kind of joy to him?

Almost everyday after coming back, Joe took the time to tell me that he 'adored' me.  Over and over he spoke those very words to me, "You know, Linda, I absolutly adore you!"  His words of love and praise were beautiful...making me want to say, "I adore you too!"  But instead I told him many times daily that I loved him dearly and that he made me the happiest I had been in all my life.  We chose the words of our feelings with care, each of us seeming to desire to build one another up.  What an amazing experience reconciliation turned out to be...a forerunner of that which God and his Son give to us.  How do we know about relating to God if we have not begun to understand and practice the intricacies of communicating with one another?  

And now, alone again, I still reach for his hand and find it upon his Bible and tugging at his shoes.  I can still touch him in all the places where he has been in this house.  Upon arriving in our driveway after an errand, I turn to left front window and speak a greeting to his old red truck as though he is there.  I thank him for his love constantly.  He likely doesn't hear me - as God is most assurably a much more compelling companion than I now, but speaking to him helps me.  I stay connected to commitment and loyalty and faith this way.  My feet are planted in his and the Father's love.

This is not my first tour of duty in widowhood, so there is a confidence in my head that things will change and I will live a new life and hopefully on a higher plane...though I'll not catch up with Joe until I've left this earth too.  He's out of my league now.  

The tangible things around me are significant like stepping stones, each picked up and examined anew.  I've enjoyed going through his drawers and folding the little bit of laundry he left behind.  And picking up his shoes wondering where he purchased them and for how much.  Sitting in quiet time with his Bible in my lap...flipping through the pages, wondering to myelf, "I wonder what he found important enough to underline?  What is that highlighting for?  Who said the things he wrote in the margins during a sermon or class?"

The shoes and his Bible for some reason really grab my heart when I touch them.  So I began to wonder about why these two items seem to mean so much more to me...they illicit curiosity greater than any of the other personal possessions he left behind.

Tonight, this became clear to me.  There is a wonderful connection between a man's shoes and his Bible!

Wise men seek their paths through committed study of God's Holy Word.  It is there that a man learns that he may make a plan but only God directs his steps.  And so here I touch both a man's Bible and his shoes on our hearth and I praise and thank my God that Joe decided long ago to wear good shoes for the journey and for the best of all maps...His Holy Word.

Thanks, my precious, fun-loving, sometimes quietly serious believing Husband...you've made my day better and less alone.  I understand now why a pair of your shoes and this rag-tag Bible will be along on my life's journey.  It's like touching your love for me again.  And that is very lovely.

Our life turned out filled with lovely experiences and many expressions of Love...thanks for that Sweetheart!

I still love you!