Life is Vehicular

Things are good between God and me...we have occasional periods of questions and wonderings.  The questions are not always fun to ask, but wonderings are always awesome. This God of mine has driven me through lots of beautiful circumstances and we've sludged through some deep muddy pastures. 

If you've been following this, you already know that my sweet husband died 3 nonths ago...very unexpectedly.  This isn't exactly a walk in the park nor is it my first venture into the pastures of  widowhood where life is definitely not positioned in time or space that I understand.  Something doesn't seem quite right...balanced...or intended.

Seemingly something has been 'off' in my life since retiring to a little town in Arkansas.  A beautiful state but a less than fulfilling community.  I have never before lived anywhere that cost me so much...never having to leave with much less than I brought...never finding so much waste and saddness in my life.  I have prospered in many ways in every state and township or city I have lived in ... until I came here.  Almost everything is a loss here: my husband, my health, my finances, my significance as a human being...almost everything.

Long ago I learned to deal with loss by finding something new to learn or experience.  After Wayne's death I learned to backpack and took off to the Grand Canyon where I walked rim-to-rim in 3 days time.  It was breathtaking!  I became refreshed - though going back home was sad because of his absence.  In the training and then the execution of the backpacking experinece I discovered much about the world and myself - as I had never seen either before.

Perhaps it will be the same now.  At least it begins to look that way.  It is in my heart to acquire a motorcoach and travel on short trips each month.  Bear will be my companion and we'll talk to Joe along the way, wishing he could join us.  We'll talk to God a LOT also.  Praising His majesty in the creaton of this beautiful county.  Expressing gratitude that we could dare to dream of having a motorcoach and gasoline money at the same time!   God is the great provider!

I'm not sure where this is going...and I have to quit now and go back to searching the Internet for the kind of motorcoach I can afford...and should God think Bear and I deserve more...well, lately Im in the habit of acceptance  - whatever falls my way.

[If this post is here when you return to read again, it will surely have changed significantly!  God's plans are bigger than mine and his path more certain.  I'm just warming up the car.]