Nanofluence

I was struck by the truth of an article I read recently from Psychology Today magazine.  The subject was the effect of technology as it replaces reality.  As explained in the article, many people today awaken and reach out, not to a partner in their bed, not even a dog or cat...but a digital pet such as a smartphone, iPad, laptop, etc.  These items have many ways of 'greeting' us and keeping us from the realities of our own loneliness or reponsibilities.

It has been my experience that an increasing number of men today like to 'relate' to women this way, which of course is not necessarily 'relating' at all.  At best it is a fun way to be thoughtful, informative, and flirty for a little while...and to stay shallow in relating...nothing deep.  Technology is a very effective way to depersonalize another human being.  They don't even need a name or an identity.  Some techy people tend to define others.  Others will become whatever they may decide.  To disagree on anything, or express a difference of opinion only requires walking away to avoid reality.  

We must be careful of all the new techy ways of conducting life, so on the edge of un-reality. Such as banking online...there are still real people, some professional and some not, who we need to deal with at that bank.  And then the s.t.u.c.c.a.d.o.e.d, very abbreviated 'conversations' we have with friends by text...there are still real humans we need to deal with by conflict or encouragement or compromise versus agreement.  And the dating game played online is only healthy for those most emotionally stable.  It becomes what my nephew calls 'a meat market' where men line up women and compare them...the worthiness of each bosom or long legs, or pretty faces or beguiling comments...what do they have to offer man...nothing more unreal than that.  Comparing people in such a way robs the sacredness of life itself and then devalues the uniqueness of human personalities.  Every living creature has merit and value and distinction.

In my life, and in a REAL relationship, I realize that my opinions and beliefs will not necessarily be the same as a friend's.  I find that interesting and not at all threatening, and I often want to say "tell me more," or "Why do you feel that way?"  Honest questions not meant to change their mind, but to open mine.  However, when in friendships with those who avoid the real touch and talk of friendship, I find that they want to define my thoughts and opinions....often beginning conversations with, "I know you think_____."  Which is rarely true.  How I would long to hear them ask, "What do you think about _____?"  Or, "I don't understand...explain what you are thinking."  But their own definition of me, from their own thoughts, keeps them safe...I guess...safe from having to really know who I am.

It's a bit unnerving...why would anyone want to know me, but not the real me?  Or I them?  Why would I want to determine who another person is?  What joys I'd miss by not observing closely the nouiances of a friend...and laugh and cry and wonder at their uniqueness as a person...

Joy indeed...to KNOW another!

This is a complex loss to of us all.  Thoughts, beliefs, mistakes, successes, agreements, conflict...all such REAL and bonding experineces for friends who have no fear of being REAL.

This touches my life everyday.  I need the warmth of my friends...to feel hugs, let laughter tickle my ears and heart, and from a significant other, big kisses and intimate embraces...to see facial expressions and hear the beautiful cadence of voices in the symphony of conversation by phone or in person...I need to know, by my special man's attention to me, that I'm his only special one...not so that I can own him or possess his life, but to protect the reality of our shared commitment to Us.  I need the peace of presence.  The hope of dreaming together.  And the respect of my personhood by allowing me to exchange my thoughts with his. 

The Psychology Today' article ended with this summary....The complex process of personalization and depersonalization appears to be an important part of understanding ourselves in this new world.

To that I can only say Amen...in all caps AMEN.