Let's Be Real...

Almost every connection in life is laid upon a foundation of certain assumptions that can only be accepted by trust.  None of us live inside the head or heart of another, no matter how well we know them.

My sweet Man and I talk of it often...as the foundation under us.  We wouldn't follow each other around but choose to trust based on our individual beliefs about it and our experiences with each other and shared experiences with others.

Life raises its head here.  An attractive Dad who strayed; a God who said 'no' too many times; a negligent husband; a husband who died too young; and a few occasions of abandonment or betrayal.  All nothing but real life...the cloudy side of real life.  But then, the sun came out most days.

Looking at trust, it is not ONE thing!  It is build upon many strands of character:  

acceptance, assurance, certainty, conviction, positiveness, promises kept, 

one's personhood honored, respect, surety, dependence, hope, reliance, to name a few. 

And remember credence... the platform for trust.

Credence....firm belief in the integrity, ability, effectiveness, or genuineness of someone or something 

If you have me; you begin with my trust.  What a gift!!!! I begin every friendship with trust. Otherwise, I'll hold you out at arms' length as an 'acquaintance.'  And, my Friend, my trust is only withdrawn if betrayals prove unredeemable.  Too simple?  Read on...I'm fairly deep...at least knee deep.

Personally, I've never understood folks who just cut the cord at the first betrayal of trust.  Friendships require such investment!  Emotionally, sometimes financially, psychologically.  To cut so quickly is like withdrawing all your money after a market downturn.  It leaves no opportunity for recovery or even significant gains.  I've observed in life that no mate is more faithful than the one who erred and truly regretted it.  They don't even have to say much...it shows!  My first marriage was like this, with both of us.  A very good match.  Happy are so many of those marriages where mates/partners just hang on and better days come and rule.  Truth, love, devotion, commitment....all win a victory.

So, here are a few of my thoughts on why I actually like to trust my friends and partner..

First belief, I don't make trust the definition of friendship.  It's only part of the whole of something very wonderful.  Sometimes trust develops, rather than begins, the friendship.  It may take a while to put the solid foundation of trust under a friendship or even a relationship ...like using the swinging bridge over a river while the solid, permanent one is being constructed within view.  You can watch it develop and look forward to walking there.  If you care; if you love; if you feel like committing - take a chance on the swinging bridge.  It will likely be worth it.  Everytime I drive over a bridge that my nephew helped build and which I toured and learned the construction details of, I'm so proud!  Building friendships and relationships is a matter of considerable pride and victory too!

I must say I believe that when trust works in a friendship - like you were born with connected values...natural...when it flows like a rippling, happy stream - that's the BEST of all in friendship foundations.  I recall when Man and I began our friendship, I felt this kind of shared honesty.  And he talked of it often.  Defining us; enjoying  us.  I recall how I felt each time he said, "We're good because we can talk about anything and not argue."  (Not that that always happened/s...we're human) He led; I followed.  We kept walking.  New kinds of trust developed.  Challenges came and went.  The sun seems, even to the present, to shine everywhere we go, no matter the forecast.  I believe in omens; he doesn't.  I win.  Always trust what comes naturally...it will always return after a storm.

Another belief of mine...Trust means standing by while a friend struggles through settling their past or even present challenges...allowing them to do it their way.  This is hard, when they are in denial of obvious truths.  Or when you know more than they know you do.  But it is arrogant to interject ourselves unless we see real danger in their path. Trust is more difficult in this circumstance.  Why hang on?  Because of credence...the belief that under it all is something very valuable...worth waiting for. 

Months ago I posted this in regard to trust...

"When in our most responsible frames of mind, I believe trust is a decision.  And receiving it from another is also a decision of conscience and honor.  We all have a long history of living the differences and being influenced by the tides of trust all around us.  It won't be long now...an opportunity to choose trust is coming our way."

...and I still believe it.  It's a challenge that never ends.

Trust WINS...always.  We never really lose if we stand firmly in our own trustworthiness, and continue to offer the trust gift with hope of reciprocal respect.