...to the Whispers of the Heart

This is a very lonely day.

I always wonder what these days are about...there seems to be a purposefulness involved. There is a strong need to talk to someone about decisions that need to be made and new directions that need to be chosen.  No burdening; just a need to be heard.  And it is exactly at this point that there always seems to be no one.

But, of course, there are really MANY FRIENDS. Maybe when the phones aren't answered; the texts are not returned; emails unresponsive; the communication world has seemingly cut off completely...perhaps that is when we are to just 'listen' for THE VOICE...the voice that brings the 'knowing' that leads and protects and sets the path for moving forward.  

These are the days only those who are alone understand.  If there is a child somewhere, a sibling, a parent...then there is always the knowledge that someone will eventually walk through the door or make some contact.  I've tried to explain this to my friends, my special man, and others.  They don't get it.  How can anyone with family understand?  It would not be considerate or fair to expect them to.  And I don't turn away from them, nor do I feel badly - after all they have challenges that I don't understand. They have their own occasional 'emptiness'...a child who does not respond or who doesn't show appropriate concern.  Or the hundreds of grown children who are coming home again in seemingly greater numbers than years past...thats a new kind of emptiness.  Why can't they make it on their own?  Everyone has empty times to deal with.

THE ONLY CONCLUSION I HAVE FOUND:  On these days, allow life to just flow....bother no one else....seek wisdom from my own heart, a heart that I have treasured and treated kindly and tried to train to be loving and caring toward others....Become a conduit through which the universe of love and life can channel a way; a plan; a faith and belief that fellowship and partnership is on its way back. Perhaps great ideas and ideals will be planted in my heart on this day.  Visions of things to come and determinations of mighty things I can still do with my life. 

So I choose to accept this day as one of rest and protection.  It's ok to just not get anything done today.  Let the mind rest.  Allow energy and focus to build again so the morning can bring clarity to this most unclear day.

So, I'll just listen.  

It can be a good thing to be completely alone...especially if one rejects the temptation to feel neglected or abandoned...This is not the time for pity parties or anxiousness in one's heart.  Just accept this kind of aloneness as a GIFT.

Today, no one I love is dying; or tragicly sick.  There have been no emergencies; no whining or complaining.  Just simple, straight-forward being alone.  No one to hug or kiss or nod at.  No one to exchange glances with or sit across a table from.  Just straight-forward being alone, isolated, but safe and in God's care.  

It's not a bad condition of life...as long as it has an end that includes someone's care and love and exchange of thought and laughter.  

And perhaps, just perhaps, there will be hugs and kisses coming soon and lots and lots of laughter and togetherness.  

It is life; lovely life.  And my heart whispers,  "It's coming back...maybe in the morning."

I'll take it.

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