Trust is a gift; receive it well

As I was thinking about this topic, a bit of internet search for the right definition and context was uppermost at first.  And almost all topics I write about come from matters that seem to arise repeatedly over days or weeks among my friends and acquaintances...even world events such as the massacre in Florida early yesterday.  Curiously, sophisticated government agencies decided to trust this young man.  What a violation he made of his life...what he lived for is presently worthless.

The words, "Trust is a decision," are the foundation of my own personal view and application of this character trait for my own life.  I learned this truth when I was a young woman.   

When beginning a relationship with anyone (business, personal, professional), extending trust as a decision has always paid high dividends for me.  Trusting someone has let me down several times; but my own 'decision' to extend trust has never failed me.  And it allows me to recover from disappointment on the solid ground that I did my best to offer my best.  

I sold my last house with trust in my heart and head that somewhere in my new hometown would be a house that was loved and prepared for me as meticulously as I was doing for the buyers of my home.  That was a trust decision which failed me.  The houses were a mess when we began to search for one to buy and the real estate market was not exactly admirably honest in this little town.  We lost 3 houses right out from under our signed contracts...bam, bam, bam. And all of them were a mess anyway...not loved or groomed for new potential owners to be attracted by.  Internet photos revealed stacks of dirty laundry all over the floors of the laundry rooms and dirty dishes in the sinks of available homes.  Looking online recently, I noticed things have improved...that's good for folks looking for homes here now.

I suppose marriage is the best testing ground for trust.  With sweet images I recall the many times when my husband and I spoke of how securely we lived because of mutual trust.  And of course, I recall that on a few occasions he trusted me with his life...the decisions made during a surgery he had only a 10% chance of surviving; other surgeries with open-ended potential outcomes; and the promise to never quit fighting for his life.  

And I remember a time when my husband (one of the most trusting and trustworthy men in the world!) attended a conference out of town that I had very, very deep dread and instinctive fear over.  I begged him, even as I drove him to the meet-up location, to just not go.  He laughed it off, as he'd never ever seen me in a state of resolution like that.  I don't really think he knew what to do.  As it turned out, it was also his first trip out of town when he never called home to say goodnight or assure me he was ok (his health was very bad).  He was just having a good time in the company of some nice folks - all acceptable.  But he was about to learn even more seriously, that my intuitive nature was absolutely on target...a matter he never failed to consider again.  Upon his return, many inconsistencies with his personal values were exposed in that work setting.  Our marriage was fine; trust was not distroyed...at least between us.  But the source of my distress, a Christian man who made public jokes about everyone else's marriage faithfulness, never received our trust again.  In fact, this experience was very painful in our marriage, but bonded us even closer.

So, I know that relationships can become even stronger after attacks on trust.  This is good.

Likewise, I recall a day one April when I was teaching in a large public school, and my 'team' was called into the office for review.  Review my foot!  We were attacted ruthlessly and false charges were made against us.  Two administrators sat there - one attacking; one denying the opportunity to defend us.  That day, I experienced the most outrageous violation of trust I have even yet experienced.  I never trusted the administration again and my love for my work began to wither like a beautiful plant left unwatered.  

So, I know that relationships can be irrepairable if the trust is not only broken but severed by lies and indifference toward the ones attacked.  This is bad.

However, for each of these instances, there are dozens of life experiences where trust was extended and blessed and awesome things came into my life...my Mom trusting two young adults who were penniless with a $5,000 loan; a young husband trusting me as I worked in a setting with lots of handsome, wealthy men; a church trusting me with a huge ministry of resources for the disadvantaged; parents trusting me with their children's academic and emotional wellbeing.  And on and on.  Trust was a gift to me from a sweet husband, a church, and hundreds of parents over many years.  

It is one of my priorities in a relationship to offer affirmation.  I like to tell significant people, "I don't want you to waste a single minute of emotional energy worrying about whether I'm faithful."  What a gift trust is!  And, at its best, it works both ways.  The happiest relationships I have observed or been in have been based on trust...everything is better:  conversation, activities, affection, dreaming together.  

When you are honest with your gifts of trust; there is no regret.  Even when another breaks trust, after the pain is gone...that is the freedom of trust.  It is always worth the gifting; and a joy when receiving.  

Trusting another is my decision, then proving me right is their choice.

Welcome to my free space.

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Trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Webster, et.al.)

6/13/16