Love In A Dot-Com World

We've just about ".com'ed" everything in our world today.   Can Love.com be poignant and sweet?  Those of you who still have your high school or college sweetheart as long-time husbands or wives will have to stretch a little to understand this. 

For some reason this week has been a constant flow of contacts from old freinds...so special, .... especially the guys who are beginning to see what life is about - FINALLY! Gosh, sometimes I wonder if guys ever get it! One is a gentleman friend can't stop looking at women on POF long enough to commit to any 'one' lady (...'but what if the next one I meet is better, prettier?...'); and another is falling in love with a lady who is already madly in love with him (This is good because he has been patiently waiting and he deserves the best)... yet another man is still very lost in his self-seeking ("...face it, Linda, we're all jerks...we're not commiting, we're just lookin'!). I recall in college a friend telling me that I would never have a guy of my own if I didn't stop being every guy's 'big sister.' But here I am again, advising 70-yr old men who are love struck like 18-yr olds!

Actually, it is great fun! These guys are catching on to what relationships are all about - kind of late in life, but they aren't dumb...a retired Post Master, a wealthy engineer, and a retired chemist who helped develop some of the food products you eat today, a successful business man. Most of the men I meet have been married 2 to 6 times.  I've had dinner or lunch with some of them once or more, and they were perfect gentlemen. Spent a candle-lit evening last week (the electricity was out) with one handsome 72-yr old, who just published his first novel...the highlight being going out for 'drinks'  together at Sonic....a milkshake for him and a stawberry icy for me. Oh, the excitement was breath-taking!

But I've thrown in the towel...I'll just 'consult' and learn. Gent #3 was correct, statistically, online, today most of them are jerks.  They're the ones who aren't mature enough to  sustain anything....BUT THE REAL JEWELS ARE GREAT GUYS!  Let's give them some credit.

Here are some interesting observations from an online dater (usually Dec and Jan for me, as it's the most painful time to be alone) and I also researched this for my blog:

1) Online dating has lost it's stigma because the Internet is a legitimate and intelligent way of all sorts of communications...we all use it for shopping, visiting friends, taking university courses, even worship services.  'Dating introductions' is a natural for this medium.

2) ONLINE DATING IS THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT OVER-60ish ADULTS MEET. Statistically, we are the fastest growing online dating demographic, hands down.

3) Mature dating people have the luxury of being the first generation of singles to have no previously established dating behavaioral norms....we do what we want, when we want, how we want, and it's no body's business (Seniors, sound familiar?...that's the general thinking of babyboomers). Discerning 'thinking' patterns is how I know who's legit and who isn't. Thank goodness for all that education training in teaching kids to understand and how to isolate indicators of how they process information. Men are just big kids. (Thank you, Harvard Professors!)

4) 44 percent of adult Americans are single, according to U.S. Census figures. This means there are over 100 million unattached folks out there. So, if you've ever worried, "There's nobody out there for me," know that there's hope! But my personal observation is that statistically, the odds are not highly favorable for single, older women because old men like that one last conquest....their Bo Derek...a '10' and they're serious about that. Suck in that tummy, girls! 

5) The percent of couples who meet online is up to about 1 in 4 and still on the rise.

6) Online dating is second only to meeting through friends as the most common way to meet.

7) Since about 2005, all my personal, older, freinds who remarried, met their spouses online and they are happy couples today.  Others have 'steadies' and they enjoy the leaisurely things all Arkansas retired couples do...like pretty days on a "Harley" or in hubby's vintage automobile.

8) Online dating is much better in the city...I pondered this as I was not online or single until February, 2012...but I've signed on with my "Memphis home" as my listing and the men were markedly more educated and articulate...but too far away (another matter: distance matters for older folks). The most interesting men I meet are out of state and we agree that, though we won't likely meet, we would like to talk and write because of shared interests, usually literature, faith, and art.

9) It seems to be the nature of humans to never give up on love.  Mature people who remain contemporary are great at sharing love, whatever that means for couples who communicate well what they believe in...we have time, experience, understanding, empathy, not anxious. I'm not telling on my friends or giving up confidences here, but I laugh when people say about elderly 'Aunt Bee' and her Beau, "Oh, you know, they just need someone to talk to and hold hands!"  Caution:  There's an important values issue here requiring some very honest and straightforward communication.  The men usually start this conversation (I guess) with "Before this goes further, I just need to know if you .....?"  Mature people never give up on love....I see photos of really handsome and proud men in their early 80's on my pages.  And they really do seek to get married again...some with 'commitment ceremonies.'  I know a couple (he being much older) who prayed for God to give them 5 really wonderful years...but they got much more than that and were so totally happy.

10)  Finally, there's the cost: A movie for two in Conway with shared popcorn and coke is about $30.00, and that doesn't count a meal or snack before or after. A month on a dating sight, dressed in pajamas, no concern for hair style, snuggled in compfy chair with laptop, coffee or tea.... 24/7 access to men, conversation...about $35.00. AND NO CALORIES!

Incidently, the most critical people, who I observe looking down their noses at Internet dating, seem to have a few other things in common, like not being very contemporary in their own lifestyles. They are also married with children and grands. Why would they be lonely? Let 'em talk...whatever their attitude. So be it....less competition (Teehehe)!

If you're 65+ and love comes your way;

...if you're satisfied with the level of values matching between you;

...if your faith lines up so there are things to learn from one another;

...and it's 'hot'...

...WOW, go for it!

Meanwhile, I'll keep the fires burning in the den if you need to confide in an old lady with some experience.

So, for us Oldie Goldies, there's a new soda fountain in town....you can find it at...

callme@love.com

March, 2016