Table Guests of the Introverted

I get lots of advice...and you know (I've written about this before), a lot of it is because I tend to be a bit quiet by nature.  I'm also not very aggressive.  If I don't respond immediately, many people will just plunge on into oblivion with even more ideas.  Some folks can't stop at all.  Some finish my sentences when I stop to think a second or so; some finish my paragraphs when I've spoken only a few words (and this takes  'my' comment onto rabbit paths I never knew existed); some ask 20 questions because I needed to breath in the midst of telling a short story.  Anyway, I thought it interesting to sit down and compare some common responses I get from folks more aggressive in nature than I happen to be.

These are common table guests...

1.  There's often the 'Judge' across the table from me.  As I relate an incidence regarding a friend or family member, this person throws down the gavel immediately and pronounces what course of action or thinking should have been taken by the story's main charater.  Maybe I enjoy my friends who instead respond with something thoughtful like, "I bet she'll rethink that; it will turn out ok."  Now there's a response with some hope in it!

2.  Quite often there is a 'Tester'.  They get paid to pronounce the results of their own insipid decisions.  I've got a good one for illustration here!  About 6 months after a broken engagement, the man made contact to come back and 'see if we could put it back together.'  Upon arrival at the front door, the kiss and hug were awesome (maybe this will work), and then he stepped back to say, "There has to be something to this because I tried everything in this world to forget you, but I couldn't."  Funny thing how the 'putting back together' didn't work.  Interesting that he would think that I would find 'testing by neglect' endearing.  Why, I had the personal belief that testing a relationship meant to honor it with all the affirmation possible...and watch it grow and flourish.  How could purposeful neglect lead to a joyful relatinship?

3.  Then there's the Joker across the table.  Whether the story is about a sightseeing trip or a death in the family, any word, expression, or gesture - that might be a lead-in to a joke he knows - is jumped on and followed by loud laughter.  And always, the joker then straightens up and says, "Sorry...go ahead, I'm listening."  Really?!  I would prefer some quite, attentive listening.  Every now and then, it must be my turn to finish what I began to say.

4.  The table guest I can't stand is the Don Juan who has mastered every possible sexual connotation to every English word.  I mean, I can't say anything without being 'assaulted.'  No noun, verb, preposition, adjective, and adverb is safe from affliction with attached sensual meaning.  I'm required to exercise everything I've ever learned about our language use to avoid the snicker across the table.  Now, mind you, I'm in for a little playful talk, but a constant assault is deadly to the friendship!  How many ways are there to substitute the quick, "Hey, what's up?" (snicker, snicker).  What happens to sentence structure when one can no longer use the verb/command, "come?"  Sheesh!

5.  For brevity, I'll stop with the fifth one...the Inquisitioner.  Being inquisitive is a good thing.  But imagine the opportunities unfolding with this sentence:  "I was troubled by a remark I heard in court yesterday. (take breath) I....."  Relaying the story ends here, as the following interjected questions begin:

• What were you doing in court?
• Wha'd they say?
• Why'd that trouble you?
• Who went with you?
• Wha'd the judge do?
• Didn't you have court last week?

Suddenly, I become an elementary teacher again, and want to scream, "If you'll just sit there and l-i-s-t-e-n, you won't have to ask any of those questions!"

Well, as has been pointed out to me, when a finger is pointed at another. three are pointing back to me.  So I offer my sincere apologies to anyone I've been rude to or failed to listen to carefully.  I don't think I'm one of the above (and most of my freinds aren't), but I'm sure I need to hone up (oops, I mean improve) my listening skills too!  

I'll be trying to make eye contact and bring an open mind when we talk...join me at this table, won't you?