Up against the gregarious....

Remember the days of "A/B personalities?" A's were considered leaders and B's were the followers? Well, that theory busted long ago...as theories about people generally do become obsolete. Certainly, we may all qualify as an A or a B, but the qualities of leadership can be dominant and well developed in either. So, over time our interpretations of human characteristics change.

But I think we never really change from the designation of introvert/extravert...it is so close to our raw nature. We all stray a bit; we grow a bit; we accept change...but our basic nature is unchangeable.

So, I’m speaking here for the Introverts, as I cannot speak for that which I’m not.

Have you ever been involved in a conversation that you lost complete participation in? It goes like this:

Extravert: Hi, How are you? Have you been doin’ good? Are you over that cold?
Introvert: Hi, Yes, I’m.....
E: Over it, huh? That’s great! Are you busy today? I was going to ask you to go to lunch with me.
I: That sounds good, but....
E: Got other plans, huh? Well, we can do it another time. By the way, what happened with your (community) project last week?
I: We completed it about...
E: Yeah, I heard it turned out great. My aunt and uncle attended and loved it. What are you finding to do now?
I: I got out my watercolors last night and...
E: You painted something great I bet. Was it birds again? Was it something from the lake out there?
I: (silence, just stare)

Don’t you find it amazing that some folks can carry on both sides of a conversation? I’m impressed! And perplexed!

An introverted person will be perplexed, and even worried enough to leave a friendship, because in serious matters, the introvert can walk away with the sinking awareness that their view of an issue was just hijacked and 'transformed' without regard for their truthful thinking. This often, especially among women, results in varied false impressions of who a person is and what they believe. Introverted persons have a hard time laughing at misperceptions!

While I understand that this little post is overly simplified in regard to extravert/introvert character analysis...and certainly is not intended to be of psychological significance...I have learned a few practical truth about this.

As an introverted person, I have learned the need to be aware that extraverted friends, while usually being so much fun, have a serious side which deserves attention and respect...they may need someone to find a way to slow them down when they are addressing their own sorrow or are confounded by some life issue. Or they may need someone to help them stay with the more serious side of their thoughts. And to confront them requires some finesse as they have a hard time with silence and reflection.

Likewise, extraverted friends would do well to realize that when introverts pause a second or two in their responses to conversational matters, it doesn’t mean that they don’t know what to say ... but that they like to THINK about what they’re going to say before putting it outside their mouth and into the big wide world. Introverts are a bit more wary of words set loose! While introverts may be frustrated with them at times, an introvert's personal extraverted friends are invaluable because they draw introverts out and sometimes put breaks on their overly reflective moods.

What a mess life would be if it was just introverts, our thoughts, our reflections, our moody tones, and insulated by the company only of other introverts. Extraverts are 'spicy' friends and together we cook up a good dish of friendship!

BTW, this author is also an INFJ...no wonder she feels alone so often! (Belonging to a club of only 1% of the population will have to be another story....)